"Christmas"

Dear Diary,

IT'S CHRISTMAS!

I love christmas.. and I love presents, well.. duh, who doesn't like presents?

I got my very first big-girl Bicycle, with NO TRAINING WHEELS! I can't ride it yet, cuzza all the snow, and cuz I don't know HOW YET.. But Mommy says when the snow thaws, and after the new baby is born, she'll help me learn how to ride it. I'm so excited, and it's so pretty.. I hate waiting tho!

But that's okay, cuzza I got another really awesome present! Cory, Mommy's new boyfriend, gave me a brand new kitten! Well.. they SAID it was from him.. but the way Mommy smiled.. I think she might have had something to do with it.

ANYWAYS! I had to think of a name for him.. and the other day, Mommy was craving weird food combinations cuz of the baby, and she got pickles and Icecream.. and then she looked at it, and decided she didn't want it after all. Well, she wanted the ice cream, and gave me the pickles. And I do love pickles.

So when I had to think of a name for the kitten.. I decided that "Mister Pickles" sounded like a good name.

There was a frustrating part tho, an' it's kinda hard to write about. I'm lonely. Well, less lonely now that Mr. Pickles is here.. but, the house is so empty. my cousin that I've hardly even met is gone.. last time I saw him he said something about us going and playing in the snow, then the adults decided different, and he got bundled back into the car and was gone again. Aunti Raewi, and Jo, and even Aunti Lucy are all gone..

I didn't even get to see Cory when I got Mr. Pickles.

Our 'inworld' Christmas consisted of some offline messages and marketplace purchases. Not really the "Family Christmas" I might have hoped for.

It doesn't help that SL is a secondary social experience to most of the family, but I personally had no one to see, and no place to be in real life for Christmas eve and Christmas morning. Also doesn't quite help that we're spread around the globe, with some of us celebrating Christmas day, while others are on the day after.

Presents for Jo and Calton lay waiting under the tree, if they ever show up.

 I did get to spend some time with Mommy, which is really all I wanted for Christmas. And I got to give her her present too.

I got Mommy a scarf, cuz she's always super cold in the snow, one she can wear over her hair when it starts snowing. It's brown, and has a neat pattern in the fabric.

I also made her a card that took HOURS of cutting and gluing and coloring.

Mommy loved them both, but she got real quiet and hugged me real close when she saw the card. I hope she doesn't mind that I left out the glitter. The glue was taking so long to dry just putting the construction paper together, I didn't think it would be dry in time if I tried to use lines of glue to hold glitter.

Next time, I'll start sooner!

"Overcast"

Dear Diary,

So much has happened, and I don't know where to start.

Modello is gone, without even saying why, much less goodbye. Aunti Raewi too seems to have slipped out in the middle of the night, without goodbyes. Aunti Jo got married to a pretty lady with the prettiest red hair I ever saw, whose name is Lucy, and now they are also gone on a boat or something.

Apparently I have a cousin, and supposedly he's living here, but I guess I keep missing him or something, or he sleeps a lot. Mommy said he'll be away til after Christmas too.

Mommy has a new boyfriend, and his name is Cory. He makes me nervous, and Mommy doesn't seem happy. That makes me more nervous. Cory's also going to be away til after Christmas.

The other day, Mommy told me she was going to have another baby. I know i'm supposed to be happy, but I started crying when she told me. I asked her if she was gonna send me away again like she did when she was pregnant with Tatie. Then she started crying, and then we were both crying. She said she wouldn't send me away again.

I don't know why her saying that, isn't enough for me.

Cory replaced Mr. Dog.. with another, less friendly dog. He looked a lot like Mr. Dog, but he was a lot less friendly, and a lot crazier. When Aunti Lucy came over the first time to meet us, he wouldn't stop growling and barking at her. Eventually I had to drag him to the garage.. but then he got off the leash and ran into the snow in the backyard. Then later that night, once we had him back in the garage, he got out again while everyone was sleeping. We haven't seen him since.

The only people I've really seen lately are Mommy and Tatie, and while he's grown a lot, Tatie's idea of conversation is something like "ba ba ba ba ba ba scream ba ba ba". I've also had lots of make-up work to do over the Christmas holiday.

Mommy seems to be sad, and actually I'm sad too. I'd just like to spend time cuddling with her and playing, but like yesterday for example, all she wanted to do was decorate the yard. Mommy let me light the candle for Solstice.. but her mind seemed so focussed on the lights in the trees and how our yard looked compared to the neighbors.

Everyone is on the go, and everything is going so fast and so loud. I wish mommy was here now.

I seem to be one of those afflicted by seasonal affective disorder, or by 'just depressing' thoughts relating to lack of money, lonliness, lost family members and friendships, dark thoughts that seem to recur around this time of year. It's hard for me to maintain the fiction of Christmas Cheer in RL, and in SL it seems I've positively failed at it as well.

"Candle in the darkness"

Light a candle in the dying light, for the death of the sun comes tonight.

Winter Solstice

"Changes"

Dear Diary,


Mr. Dog is moving away, and he's taking Aunti Raewi with him. They're going to Austria for some kind of job that Aunti Raewi has. She said she's going to be gone a long time. I'm going to miss them both so much.

So while she was packing up to move away, we found out that I have a COUSIN! And he's coming to live with us while Aunti Raewi is away. His name is Calton, and he's 4 years old. I haven't met him yet, but everyone says he's a 'handful'.. I dunno what that means tho.

I drew him a note, welcoming him to our house.. but I wonder if he can read it.

Also, Modello moved out, and that guy Cory is visiting a lot more often. I think he's Mommy's new boyfriend.

I finally got to spend a little time with Aunti Jo. We colored a bit, and talked, then we danced in the kitchen. We were dancing and hopping and she told me to scream, and I did.. and then Mommy came in upset and wanted to know why I was screaming. I didn't get in trouble, but Mommy was mad. I'll try not to scream anymore, even if Aunti Jo says to.

School has been super hard, and I've had lots of homework, but that's mostly because of make-up work that I missed while moving to Somersley. Still, the last couple of days, they've been tearing up the computer lap's wires at school trying to move us to computers without wires, but I always seem to end up at the computer that isn't working right, or is too far away, or something. They said they're setting me up a computer that will be closer to the wireless, or something... but my schoolwork is behind even more because of that.

I did manage to figure out some big problems yesterday, which is good. But with all the homework and the staying after in school for help.. I'm not getting much time to play, and spend time with Mommy. It makes me sad, but everyone keeps telling me it will get better.

Added new slots for the new family members on the "My Family" page, still waiting on correct name spellings so I can link people.

"Sudden Silence"

Sorry there haven't been any posts for a few days. I've been busy with work, and some RL projects, as well as just trying to figure out what comes next, or how to balance my work and play time.

A lot has been changing behind the scenes in Anwenn's world and in the family structure, and I'm not entirely sure how it's going to affect her story over time. Plus, Christmas is coming sooner than I'd like.. which will mean new things to write about.. at the same time it will also mean I have more RL and work related commitments to distract me from the story.

There's a bunch of pictures I'd like to find time to finish and post, but they take time as well.. and time is something that's been in short supply lately.

See you all soon.

"Rocket Number 9"

Dear Diary,

Today wasn't the best day. Parts of it tried to be good, but it kept getting bad.

Mommy's having troubles lately. I don't rilly know what they are, but she's sad more the last few days, and whenever Cory or Modello shows up, they all want to go talk someplace else, then Mommy comes back alone, and usually wants to do something, go someplace, or whatever. And she doesn't want to tell me what's going on. Maybe I'm too little to understand it, it could be about grown-up stuff.

When Cory came over today, Mommy and he went to talk outside someplace. She didn't come back for like a whole hour, and when she did come home, she took a shower and changed her clothes.. but I think she was crying. I asked her is she had a good time, but I think I messed up. I just wanted to know if she was ok, but when she answered "Okay I guess" I knew that she didn't want to tell me any more.

After that, we sat on the couch and had popcorn and watched an old Hercules movie on that show with the guy and the two robots making fun of it. Mommy hadn't seen that show before, and she seemed to have a good time. I rilly liked spending time with her, just 'being', together.

All too soon though, the popcorn was cold, the movie was over, and Modello showed up. Mommy and he went to talk, and I went upstairs and hid in my pillow castle, and listened to music. I could hear them arguing a little bit, but I couldn't hear what was being said. All I know is that it was short, then Modello left, and when Mommy was done, she came right upstairs to cuddle. Mommy asked, how would I feel if Modello didn't come visit anymore. I didn't know what to say, but I don't care as long as Mommy stays with me, and I get to stay with her.

I tried to tell her that.. but I was scared, and mostly all I could do was just to hug her tighter. Then she got sleepy, so I kissed her goodnight and she went to bed before me!

"Tests"

Dear Diary,

Mr. Dog has been more friendly to me lately, and started following me around, and sitting by me. I gave him a doggy treat from the box in the kitchen, and took him upstairs with me. I like cats a lot, but he's nice for a crazy old dog. He's sitting here with me in my room as I write this.

Today was the day I had to turn in my big assignment, one day before the new due-date. After days of working on it, I carried all my papers and packets on the bus, and took them to the office. I dunno what I was expecting, but whatever it was, it didn't happen that way. I took my papers in, and she asked me a few questions about my interests and hobbies, and asked me about my art classes at my old school, then she said I needed one more page from home. I know I read the packet over a dozen times, and they never mentioned needing this page, but whatever. At least there's still time to turn that part in.

"School" is our code for things that happen outside of Second Life, or more accurately, time I spend offline from Anwenn's life, in RL or whatever. A lot of the stuff here is encoded versions of RL stuff. The paperwork I had to turn in today was real, as was the missing stuff I had to provide unexpectedly.

The other day, Mommy and Modello had a fight. I don't know what it was about, but Modello seemed angry at someone who wasn't there. Mommy tried to stop him from leaving. I don't remember a lot after that, cause I turned on the radio and started cleaning my room. Then I cleaned the bathroom, and after that, I did the laundry Mommy asked me to do.

I wanted to know what was happening, but I wanted to have my chores done, and show Mommy I was obeying her. And I know that when she fights with someone, it always gets worse when they think I heard them. The last time she had a fight.. the last time I saw.. she sent me away for a long time. I know she was in the hospital, but still. I don't want her to want me to leave again. I dunno if that makes sense.

In the week or so since that fight, Modello hasn't been around much, but another guy, Cory, has been visiting. I don't really know either of them, other than they're both big guys. They both make me nervous when they're here, and I dunno what to say to them. I always feel like I should go to my room when they're here.

Yesterday when I came home from school, I was still worried about that test, and the fight Mommy had with Modello. Mommy was home alone, waiting for me when I got home. Well, alone with Tatie. Of course, Mommy wanted to go out on an adventure.

I dunno how to tell her that I just want to spend time with her. She always wants to go-go-go.. shopping, exploring, running around outside and so on.. and all I want is to sit and cuddle. She worries constantly that I'm not adjusting, or settling in.. yet she's always got me on the run to catch up.

I didn't want to argue though. Time with her, going places.. is still better than time without her. Mommy asked where I wanted to go, and I was like "uhm, wherever you want to go" and I grabbed my coat and hat. I wanted to say "to watch TV with you".

We ended up going to a big Christmas thing they set up at the fairgrounds or something. There were lots of pretty things to see, and a lot of characters from those old Christmas cartoons they show every year. Lots of places like Santa's workshop, and a house where they had animated elf dolls sleeping in beds, and even a huge kitchen full of animated dolls pretending to cook things. There was a place to sit on santa's lap, but it was just another animated doll, not even a real person. It was kind of a weird place.. all around there were the sounds of the motors to run the lights, and the dolls. They even had fake reindeer.

The parts I really liked most, were the few times I got to sit with Mommy, like on the sleigh ride. Then she started getting tired of exploring and started getting a headache, and I told her I'd be fine if we just went home. We got some cocoa and left for home.

And when we got home, we had more cocoa and sat together. Mommy kept apologizing for us leaving before we were done.. and I ignored her, cause all I wanted was to sit with her and cuddle. But all too soon, it was time for bed.

"Adjusting"

Dear Diary,

When Mommy gave me this diary, she told me to write down what I was thinking and worrying about, not just the things I did and saw. I haven't been very good about that, this whole idea is still very new to me.

So I guess I'm going to write about the things that have happened, that I think about a lot.

I hated living away from Mommy, and no, it wasn't because I Aunti Carol wouldn't let me watch old monster movies and kept giving me beets.. bleh. I mean, her house was ok, and she was nice and all, and the school I had to go to there was ok. But I hated being away from Mommy, especially when she was hurt. I remember when she was in the hospital, and I first went to stay with Aunti Carol, I kept thinking every time the phone rang that it would be the hospital calling. Aunti Carol got upset a few times when I'd ask her who it was who called every time.

The worst part was not being allowed to see her in the hospital. Aunti Carol said it was because I was too young and the hospital wouldn't allow it. She's not good at lying. Not knowing why I couldn't see Mommy, not being able to see her.. worrying she was going to die.. no one would tell me why she was in the hospital, only that 'she's not sick, but she got hurt'.

It was exciting finding out I was going to have a baby brother.. but it wasn't so great to learn that I wouldn't be coming back to our old apartments. I still miss my friends from school there, well.. friend. And that cat from the neighborhood that would come over to our porch and let me pet him. I even miss Bill, the old soldier guy who sat by his apartment window by our stairs, smoking and watching TV all day, even if he was sleepy all the time.

But mostly, I just missed Mommy. It's hard for me to say this, but I worry that she'll send me away again. She wants me to do all these things in the world, and all I want to do is be home with her, eat popcorn and pizza, and watch movies with her on the couch again. But with all the people buzzing around, and Tatie.. Mommy doesn't have so much time anymore.

Going with her to the Boardwalk was fun, but sitting with Mommy by the big lamp on the shore was better.

The new house is good tho, and Aunti Raewi is super nice, when she's not spending hours fixing her hair or picking her clothes, and when she finally puts down her camera. When she has that camera, she can be pretty bossy, and we have to stand around bored waiting for her to be happy with how we're sitting, standing, or smiling, or whatever. Her pictures are nice, but when I look at them, I always remember how annoying it was taking the picture. I almost want to ask her not to bring her camera when we go places, but she's got TWO CELL PHONES and of course, they both have cameras in them too.

There's more to write about.. but there's time. More later.

"Fair Play"

Dear Diary,

A couple of weeks ago, right after I got to our new town, Aunti Raewi took me to a carnival in town, but it was snowing and cold, and only a couple of the rides were working. We only stayed for a few minutes. Still, we got to go on the Ferris wheel, which was awesome, except that it was so foggy you couldn't see the ground from the top!

Mommy promised she'd take me to the boardwalk, and last weekend we did! It was pretty empty, being winter, and it was still kinda cold, but a lot of the food places were still open. Omigosh we ate so much crazy food! I mean corn dogs and popcorn I understand.. but chocolate covered pickles!?!? Weird! We spent a lot of time running to the bathrooms! There were a few rides open, and the Merry-go-round was really fun. There was also a teacups ride, that wasn't as fun. (or maybe it was just cause we went on it AFTER those chocolate pickles!) Afterwards, we went to the water, and saw some cool little boats and a fishing place. Mommy says we can come back and go fishing here too!

Hairy Hippo Fun Land has got to be one of the most entertaining 'Linden' (Mole) builds I've ever encountered in Second Life. Part of Bay City, this abandoned, off-season boardwalk has some working rides, and a fun 'food eating hunt'. Definitely worth a visit!

*- Yes, I know that most Moles aren't Lindens, but it's an "Official SL Build"

As for school and stuff...

The second grade is hard! There's tests already, and so far I don't seem to be doing very well. Mommy says it's because I'm behind in school due to all the stuff that's been going on, and that I need to study harder. I know I'm gonna have more homework as time goes on.. and that's going to make less time for playing.

There's this big test that I was too behind on to finish, but the school gave me another week to finish it, which is better than nothing.. but I'd rather not have to do it at all!

Mommy said I can have a computer of my own, but it has to be ordered first, and it will take some time before it comes, and it will still have to be set up when it gets here. Mommy also said I can't play games on it when I need to work on schoolwork or chores.

I dunno when I'm going to have time to do all the things everyone wants me to do. I still feel like I wake up, go to school, come home, do homework and chores, then get to spend like an hour with Mommy before it's bedtime. I hope things will calm down soon.

"Coming Home"

Dear Diary,

A lot has happened in the last week or so! I mean really, it's just been super crazy.

I moved back home with Mommy! I've been wanting this for so long, and I missed her so much. But she was hurt and in the hospital for a while, and I had to stay with Aunt Carol.. and then she found out she was going to have another baby.. and then she decided to move us to a new town!

YES! I did say it! I have a new baby brother! His name is Tatie, and he's super cute! He can't talk or anything yet, but in the meantime he's good at being cute, and dirtying diapers. He's REALLY good at that. Yuck.

Anyways.. I dunno how it happened, but on the trip to our new home, my clothes got lost! All I had was what was in my backpack and what I was wearing! And I guess Mommy was in a hurry to move us, or something, because a lot of my old things were gone too, and when I got to our new house, the room that was gonna be my room still had books and stuff in it! So I spent a few nights sleeping on the couch.. which is ok cause it's a really soft couch, and there's like a million pillows.

After a couple of days, Mommy took me to the store for some new clothes, and she totally surprised me and we ended up at this HUGE kids furniture store. OMIGOSH it was so big.. and she told me I could pick anything I wanted. I was scared it would cost too much tho. Mommy told me not to worry, and helped me pick this awesome set of furniture. It's SOOOO pink!

Pink pink pink pink pink pink!

So then we came home and set up the bed at least, and I fell asleep. When I woke up, the whole room had changed! Mommy must have come in in the middle of the night and changed everything around. I dunno how I slept through her moving the bed!

Anyways.. Mommy's sisters, Aunti Raewi and Aunti Jo live with us now. I had never met them before. Aunti Jo is super busy with her job and school, so I don't get to see her much, and Aunti Raewi is pretty busy too! But they're both super nice. Aunti Raewi has a dog.. he's this huge black dog.. but he's nice I think. He mostly barks at a wall in the garage though. It's just a normal wall, I'm not sure what his problem is with the wall.

So what happened next.. lemme try an' remember.

IT SNOWED! It snows here! It's so cold outside, and yet it's nice and warm inside. This house is really nice.

It's not all great tho. There's chores that I have to do. Like I have to clean my room, which is normal I guess. but I have to do it EVERY DAY! I also have to clean the bathroom floor upstairs, which is super hard to do. Maybe it will get easier. The other chore I have is to do my own laundry. Which I never did before, but Mommy showed me how to do it, and it's not too hard, it's mostly boring waiting for it. It's so easy to forget to come back and finish it.

The new school is okay I guess. The work is hard tho, and the day drags on for-EVER. But I get school lunches now, which is cool because I can have pizza. Mommy says I might be able to join the girl scouts in this town, if my schoolwork doesn't get in the way.