"Adjusting"

Dear Diary,

When Mommy gave me this diary, she told me to write down what I was thinking and worrying about, not just the things I did and saw. I haven't been very good about that, this whole idea is still very new to me.

So I guess I'm going to write about the things that have happened, that I think about a lot.

I hated living away from Mommy, and no, it wasn't because I Aunti Carol wouldn't let me watch old monster movies and kept giving me beets.. bleh. I mean, her house was ok, and she was nice and all, and the school I had to go to there was ok. But I hated being away from Mommy, especially when she was hurt. I remember when she was in the hospital, and I first went to stay with Aunti Carol, I kept thinking every time the phone rang that it would be the hospital calling. Aunti Carol got upset a few times when I'd ask her who it was who called every time.

The worst part was not being allowed to see her in the hospital. Aunti Carol said it was because I was too young and the hospital wouldn't allow it. She's not good at lying. Not knowing why I couldn't see Mommy, not being able to see her.. worrying she was going to die.. no one would tell me why she was in the hospital, only that 'she's not sick, but she got hurt'.

It was exciting finding out I was going to have a baby brother.. but it wasn't so great to learn that I wouldn't be coming back to our old apartments. I still miss my friends from school there, well.. friend. And that cat from the neighborhood that would come over to our porch and let me pet him. I even miss Bill, the old soldier guy who sat by his apartment window by our stairs, smoking and watching TV all day, even if he was sleepy all the time.

But mostly, I just missed Mommy. It's hard for me to say this, but I worry that she'll send me away again. She wants me to do all these things in the world, and all I want to do is be home with her, eat popcorn and pizza, and watch movies with her on the couch again. But with all the people buzzing around, and Tatie.. Mommy doesn't have so much time anymore.

Going with her to the Boardwalk was fun, but sitting with Mommy by the big lamp on the shore was better.

The new house is good tho, and Aunti Raewi is super nice, when she's not spending hours fixing her hair or picking her clothes, and when she finally puts down her camera. When she has that camera, she can be pretty bossy, and we have to stand around bored waiting for her to be happy with how we're sitting, standing, or smiling, or whatever. Her pictures are nice, but when I look at them, I always remember how annoying it was taking the picture. I almost want to ask her not to bring her camera when we go places, but she's got TWO CELL PHONES and of course, they both have cameras in them too.

There's more to write about.. but there's time. More later.