Dear Diary,
It's my rezday.
It's been one year exactly since I created this account in SL.
In that year, I've seen a lot. I've had a family in SL, seen it fall apart, had people vanish entirely from my life without a word, been to camp not once, but twice, made new friends, and gotten closer to old ones. I've had an awesome time, but it came at a cost.
I have another avatar, and she's an adult, playing in SL's adult areas. She has a business, which is my actual sole source of income. Over the last few years, that business has been suffering as I tried to adapt to both market and technology changes in SL. The last year has been the worst, as I knew there was work to be done to fix my store, but so often I'd spend countless hours logged into Anwenn, trying to build a low prim closet shelf, or something.
The last few months (since the end of summer camp) I've worked on my main av almost exclusively.. trying to make new products to sell, trying to hone skills, and react more fluidly to what people seem to want these days. It's still very uphill work, and honestly, I'm still at the bottom of that hill.
I haven't found the balance I need between the two avatars. When Rae (Anwenn's Mom) came back to SL, things (as Mari warned) weren't the same. And with the business in tatters, it was easy to bury myself in those business issues, rather than try and untangle the emotional mess that Rae's return had yanked back up.
The result is that neither avatar has gotten the time and attention, and most importantly presence that they both deserve. Simultaneously, I can't simply give up on one or the other.
So no, to answer a question no one has asked, I'm not quitting SL, and I'm not giving up on Anwenn. It's just that right now, it's more important that I 'work'.. to a degree, Anwenn will 'keep'.
Of course that means that opportunities are, and have, slipped her by. I can't sign up for OSE, because aside from my own sleep disorder issues making it difficult to make plans more than a week in advance, I simply don't have 'the time' that I have had. I'll still be trying my heart out to attend camp.. and I'll take the time to go there 100% too... but it's 1 or 2 weeks a year.
That's not really enough for me, emotionally. I have wants and desires too.. and yes, I'd love to be on Anwenn all the time, or at least regularly.. I'd love to be doing the "School" thing, or be in a family again, or just having sleepovers or whatever.. but right now I'm having to put aside what I want.
Anwenn's house is still sitting unfinished, and unfurnished. And knowing that makes me sad... but that's how it has to be for now.
I just hope it won't take me another year to find that balance.
