Dear Diary,
It's been REALLY hard recovering after camp, and getting back to normal life. I honestly feel like Camp changed me.. for the better.
Camp is a hard thing to really explain, it's something you just gotta DO to understand. But when I was there, it was like I belonged. I fit in with the other kids. It was hard at first.. really hard. I was scared, and shy, and I thought no one would like me because I was new or whatever. But I was wrong!
I made a lot of new friends at camp.. and a few got to be good friends. Mari's brother, Pygar.. for example, and her friend (who is a boy) Johnny. Both of them are really special, and I really am glad I got to meet them finally after hearing so much about them from Mari. They're both so different from each other, and yet I like them both for the same reasons. It's weird.
Getting to finally spend time with Mari was the hugest treat of all about Camp, since we've been friends for years on instant messenger. It was really so amazingly rewarding to finally get to see her, and yes, chase her around like her shadow. And she let me, which made it all the better.
I also made new friends I'd never met or known before. Joy most especially. She and I spent a lot of time just digging with sticks and doing casual quiet things between the various events.. and we got into a pretty fun snowball fight too.
There were others, and I'm not gonna name every one of them. But there were also a few people I didn't get to know AT camp.. who got on Instant Messenger with me as soon as camp was over, and they turned out to be really nice too. Especially Fem, she and I got on Plurk on the same day.. and we've been in a race to see who can get more "Karma" there.
Overall, camp was really fun. It was super scary at first, but I think a lot of that was because Mommy had been stuck in the storm when I had to go.. and I'd had to go alone. When I finally got to see Mommy on Parent's day.. things really started going fast at camp, and before I knew it, I was crying because camp was ending.
I took like 500 pictures, and I'm sorry I haven't uploaded all of them yet. It's gonna take me a couple of days just to sit down and sort through all the duplicates, and find the best ones I want to show off. I probably won't do anything fancy to the pictures this time.. and I'm thinking about only doing that for special pics from now on. It just takes way too much time.
Mommy had an emergency right before I came home from camp, and she had to go see a friend of hers who had to go to the hospital. She left a babysitter named Casey to watch the babies. I don't think she's the best babysitter in the world, but she seemed nice.. and she did let me stay up all night watching monster movies, and let me drink all the cokes I wanted.
When Mommy finally got home, we sat on the couch all night and talked abut camp, and how it made me feel, and the things I wanted now. I showed her my sash, with all my badges from camp, and told her about all the things that happened. I even showed her a few of my pictures. We talked for hours and hours, and decided nothing. All I do know, is that I want to have other kid friends, and maybe go to a different school. Mommy asked me if I wanted to.. and I think maybe I do.
I also dont' want to spend as much time at Aunt Kelly's. Well, I love Aunt Kelly.. I mean, she's fantastic and she lets me play with her building tools... but I want some time to play outside, and play with kids, and go do things that I want to do too. Mommy says we'll have to see. Aunt Kelly needs to watch over me sometimes.. and I understand that. But we'll see.
Also, the other thing we talked about, is maybe letting me decorate my room next time it's time to decorate. I love my room, and I love so much that Mommy decorated it. She let me help pick things for it too, but in some ways, it still doesn't feel like 'my' room.. if that makes sense? I dunno. We talked about it a little bit. We'll see what happens. Meanwhile, I put the books Aunt Kelly got for me, on my bookshelf, next to the trophy I won at camp.
Favorite new camper.
I hope they still feel that way about me next time I go to camp. And there WILL be a next time!
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Sunday, February 10, 2013
"Coming home"
Long story short, camp is over.
It ended Sunday 2/10/2013, at some point between 5pm and 7pm pacific time. It was long, and it was terrible, and it was amazing, and it was over far too soon. Camp was everything camp is in real life.. A haven, a retreat, a new world, a terrifying place full of new people, a shelter, a school, a holy place, a place to find one's self, a place to find new friends, and a place to renew and strengthen bonds with old ones. A place to try new things, and to test yourself, a place to find yourself lacking, or wanting, or failing, and a place to pick yourself up and change your attitude.
And then it's so quickly over. And you're left with a hole, where your whole world, your whole existence for a week and some change, just got summarily deleted. All that's left then are the echos of children, still ringing in the corners of your mind.
And then you return. To a loving embrace, or a friendly face, or an empty home. With or without the hand of a friend or a loved one to hold. A hug, or a kiss, or a gentle embrace, or just yourself. And you sit then, and drink in the powerful, deafening silence, as the people who filled your days, the the treasured friends, the milling anonymous crowds, the people you wanted to know better, and perhaps even a few you really didn't care for.. all are gone.
It's terrifying.
Several hours after the end of camp, my heart already bruised by having the cabin and bunk I was lying in, deleted out from under me, I sullenly return home, knowing that my Mother won't be there.
I return to a prefab prim home, full of prefab prim furniture, and so many picture frames, filled for the most part with other people's memories, and in most cases, events I didn't even witness. In the kitchen, a soulless scripted automaton gracelessly drags itself to and fro, while equally soulless prim models of babies and a kitten lay in their beds. Faint loops of sleeping sounds play in the night.
Outside, the sky is filled with particle fountains, silently raining down alpha-textured snowflakes that no one would see, if I wasn't here.
I go through the motions of rezzing out my prop luggage, and then I walk to the garage, performing the minigame ritual that purports to suggest I'm loading the washing machine. the prim washer whirrs to life, playing a looping sample of a real washing machine. I stand in the garage, rezzing my camp badges, rezzing my sash and affixing the 17 badges I'd earned, to the sash. The washer finishes, and I perform another clicking ritual to signal the system that I've "swapped loads". A looping sample of a dryer plays, and I create a pair of custom badges, one with my cabin's logo, one with the camp logo. I take up my work and return to my room.
In my room, I rez out some of the things I got at camp, watching my primcount as I do. I rez out the beautiful red ruby geode and place it atop the sculpted prim that passes for my desk. I rez out the trophy that I was given, shrinking it to a more modest size, I move it to the bookshelf. I'll need a larger bookshelf. I pull out the purple camp pillow that I purchased.. the only thing I actually did purchase while at camp, and I place it on the floor at the foot of my bed.
The silent snow continues to fall, as the prim dryer plays a sample of a buzzer sound, signaling it's completion. I wander back into the garage and perform the final 'unloading' ritual. I enter my mother's room, and summon the prim cat to follow, and I carry him into my room, where I return him to sleeping mode. I go to the bathroom, sitting in the bathub, I change my avatar's outfit to one that resembles pajamas.
Then I return back to my room. I turn on the all-important bedside lamp, place a small picture frame on my bedside table. Wordlessly, I sit my avatar on then bed, and an animation makes it appear that I'm lying down. invisible prim blankets toggle their visibilities, loosely appearing to cover me now. I select my prim kitten, and reposition him in bed alongside my avatar, just under the covers as well. I attach the prim "sleeping mask" soas to cover the eyes of my avatar that cannot be closed.
I stage a few pictures, knowing I may never crop or upload them, unsure if I'll look at them again.
Then I click the button that tells my computer to power itself down, and go to my real bed.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Camp Day 4 - "Pretty good day"
Dear Diary,
I stayed up way too late last night. I woke up at 7am, and couldn't go back to sleep., I laid in bed for like half an hour, then figured I might as well just get up and get started on my day.
First up, the Movie cabin to watch "Hotel Transylvania". I found a couple of friends there sitting a couple of seats apart, and I sat between them. It sounded like it was gonna be a good movie, but the way they have it set up, I guess to keep the noise down around camp, we get special headphones, and mine weren't working. I tried a few times to get them to work, but I couldn't, so I wandered off to find something else to do.
After Breakfast, I played "hunt the goose" to find Mari. I ended up finding her way at the top of the sledding hill, taking pictures, of course. I took a picture of her while she was taking pictures of camp in the morning light. Then her friend Johnny showed up, and we joked around for a while, then Mari packed up her camera stuff, and we all three rode a sled down to the bottom of the hill, knocking down some snowmen someone made on the sledding hill.
Then Mari got called to the counselors cabin, and so Johnny and I went to a "fairy hunt" game. At least that's what they said it was. What it turned out to be was really just another 'story time' event, meant for the babies.. with one of those "can you find the pink flower?" hidden picture books. Most of the kids there had cutesy little fairy wings, or butterfly wings from halloween or ballet costumes. Johnny decided he wasn't interested in this event, and wandered off to do something else. I wandered over to the crafts cabin and found a couple of cardboard boxes in the free-supplies pile, and made some wings. They came out pretty good... though more like a jetpack than fairy wings! SCIENCE!
Then I ran around with my new wings on, to find Johnny. He was at a "make a train chain" event, where basically the kids all lined up and played follow the leader, marching all around the camp trying to find any other kids to join the line. At the end of the event we had like 30 kids in the chain.. though things got difficult when we had to go over the rope bridges and some of the kids were scared of heights. I didn't want to go either, but I was following Johnny, and he didn't seem scared a bit. There was lots of screaming as kids tried to run to catch up and the bridge started shaking.
Eventually it had to end, and there was some free time afterwards. I got out the football helmet they gave me for that one giant-football cabin-wars game, and I ran around playing Buzz Lightyear with my new wings. The little kids didn't know what I was even talking about or who I was supposed to be. Oh well, I had fun.
Then it was off to Yoga, and I really enjoyed that. Miss Honey, one of the camp counselors, has the most relaxing voice ever. She should make yoga tapes! I'd save my allowance for two months to buy one if she did. Then the funniest thing happened. Miss Honey got to the part where she said "find your happy places" and was telling to think of a place that made us happy, or a thing or a person who made us happy, and just at that exact moment, Mari showed up looking for me!
After yoga class, Mari and I ran off to explore the caves. Outside one of the caves, we heard a counselor running a story time at a campfire with S'mores. So we ran over and had some of those, and listened to the story.
Mari and I talked and chatted and told secrets and such, we talked about our families, and about how long we've been friends, and hopefully getting together after camp is over. We talked about our sadnesses in our past too, and how Valentines day is stupid, and we talked about watching movies and on and on.
After dinner, it was of course time for cabin wars. This time we had a giant hamster ball that we had to get 4 kids from each cabin in at a time.. and then race against 2 other cabins on our side of camp to try and get through a big obstacle course with a lot of twists and drops. It was crazy, but we all had a go, and boy oh boy, can those little babies run! Maybe it was cuz our ball was lighter than the other cabins, or who knows.. but in the four races we had, we came in first twice, and second the other two times. We came in first place for our side of camp, and in second place for the entire camp! That was the first time we got that high of a score in cabin wars!
After that, I spent some time putting my pictures away.. now I can't find them.. but I know they're here! I'll find em soon. But now it's time for bed, so goodnight diary.
I stayed up way too late last night. I woke up at 7am, and couldn't go back to sleep., I laid in bed for like half an hour, then figured I might as well just get up and get started on my day.
First up, the Movie cabin to watch "Hotel Transylvania". I found a couple of friends there sitting a couple of seats apart, and I sat between them. It sounded like it was gonna be a good movie, but the way they have it set up, I guess to keep the noise down around camp, we get special headphones, and mine weren't working. I tried a few times to get them to work, but I couldn't, so I wandered off to find something else to do.
Technical difficulties abound in Second Life, and the 'real problem' was that the video wouldn't play for me. I reinstalled quicktime, downloaded and installed codec packs, even uninstalled and reinstalled Second Life, and tested it on 2 other alternate accounts. I must have been doing something out of order, cause all my personal tests worked fine, but the movie at camp just wouldn't play for me.It was about breakfast time anyways, so I decided to go to the mess hall. FINALLY they had eggs and bacon. After starting every morning with the counselors singing "wakey wakey, eggs abd bakey" we FINALLY got to have eggs! I was so excited and hungry, I had two helpings of scrambled eggs! I gave Pygar some of my bacon. Actually he stole some, then I gave him more.
No matter, we've got a TV at home. I didn't come to camp to waste 2whole hours of the day watching movies I can watch when I'm bored!
After Breakfast, I played "hunt the goose" to find Mari. I ended up finding her way at the top of the sledding hill, taking pictures, of course. I took a picture of her while she was taking pictures of camp in the morning light. Then her friend Johnny showed up, and we joked around for a while, then Mari packed up her camera stuff, and we all three rode a sled down to the bottom of the hill, knocking down some snowmen someone made on the sledding hill.
Then Mari got called to the counselors cabin, and so Johnny and I went to a "fairy hunt" game. At least that's what they said it was. What it turned out to be was really just another 'story time' event, meant for the babies.. with one of those "can you find the pink flower?" hidden picture books. Most of the kids there had cutesy little fairy wings, or butterfly wings from halloween or ballet costumes. Johnny decided he wasn't interested in this event, and wandered off to do something else. I wandered over to the crafts cabin and found a couple of cardboard boxes in the free-supplies pile, and made some wings. They came out pretty good... though more like a jetpack than fairy wings! SCIENCE!
Then I ran around with my new wings on, to find Johnny. He was at a "make a train chain" event, where basically the kids all lined up and played follow the leader, marching all around the camp trying to find any other kids to join the line. At the end of the event we had like 30 kids in the chain.. though things got difficult when we had to go over the rope bridges and some of the kids were scared of heights. I didn't want to go either, but I was following Johnny, and he didn't seem scared a bit. There was lots of screaming as kids tried to run to catch up and the bridge started shaking.
There was plenty of "only in SL" insanity, with our chain essentially consisting of 30 bowing balls connected via bungie cords as far as the physics engine was concerned. We were dragged willing or not, through caves and over bridges and jumps across the ravines and cliffs. And with the tendency for the line to curve rather than corner, those in the end of the group tended to get dragged off the sides of cliffs and miss bridges, and end up trapped inside the walls of the caves. Combine this insanity with the laughing of the counselors on voice, their teasing each other that they were killing children again, the laughing, and screaming gestures of the various kids in the line.. and it was exciting, ridiculous, and above all, hilarious
Eventually it had to end, and there was some free time afterwards. I got out the football helmet they gave me for that one giant-football cabin-wars game, and I ran around playing Buzz Lightyear with my new wings. The little kids didn't know what I was even talking about or who I was supposed to be. Oh well, I had fun.
Then it was off to Yoga, and I really enjoyed that. Miss Honey, one of the camp counselors, has the most relaxing voice ever. She should make yoga tapes! I'd save my allowance for two months to buy one if she did. Then the funniest thing happened. Miss Honey got to the part where she said "find your happy places" and was telling to think of a place that made us happy, or a thing or a person who made us happy, and just at that exact moment, Mari showed up looking for me!
After yoga class, Mari and I ran off to explore the caves. Outside one of the caves, we heard a counselor running a story time at a campfire with S'mores. So we ran over and had some of those, and listened to the story.
Mari and I talked and chatted and told secrets and such, we talked about our families, and about how long we've been friends, and hopefully getting together after camp is over. We talked about our sadnesses in our past too, and how Valentines day is stupid, and we talked about watching movies and on and on.
After dinner, it was of course time for cabin wars. This time we had a giant hamster ball that we had to get 4 kids from each cabin in at a time.. and then race against 2 other cabins on our side of camp to try and get through a big obstacle course with a lot of twists and drops. It was crazy, but we all had a go, and boy oh boy, can those little babies run! Maybe it was cuz our ball was lighter than the other cabins, or who knows.. but in the four races we had, we came in first twice, and second the other two times. We came in first place for our side of camp, and in second place for the entire camp! That was the first time we got that high of a score in cabin wars!
After that, I spent some time putting my pictures away.. now I can't find them.. but I know they're here! I'll find em soon. But now it's time for bed, so goodnight diary.
Monday, February 4, 2013
Camp Day 3 - "Sieze the day... by the neck"
Dear Diary,
After posting my blog and sending my letter to Mommy, I couldn't sleep. She sent me back a email, and I read it about 7 times, just lying in bed.
She didn't scold me.. not at all. And while she said she did kinda wanna come down and kick the one counselor's butt for telling me wrong things and getting me in trouble, she was just saying she wanted to, not that she was gonna.
Her email letter made me cry again. And I looked over my letter to her too. Then I looked up an saw my Dr. Steel poster. I could hear him telling me I wasn't being a good soldier, if I was letting the bad things that happen, win. I looked over my letter sum more, and it started looking like a list of things I didn't do right.
All these things I complained about and worried about, were things I didn't take control of.
I got outside of the cabin, and even though it was dark, It wasn't lights out yet, so I walked over to the cabin assignments list, and found where Mari was. I went over to her cabin and asked to talk to her in private.
I told her I felt awkward, and then even though I started crying again I found the strength to ask her if she considered me her friend. And when she said, "of course silly" it was like someone took a truck off my chest. no, it was like Mari took a truck off my chest. She said she may be popular, but a lot of people feel uncomfortable playing with her cuz everyone knows her like she's a rock star. An' I just know her as my friend I talk to all the time on the instant messenger. So I told her I'd pester her then, and prolly follow her around a lot. We hugged a lot, and then of course.. it was lights out and I had to go back to my cabin.
I went back to my cabin, and I knew I needed to fix some things when I woke up, like Dr. Steel might say:
Sieze the day by the neck and bend it to your will.. with a very large hammer if necessary. You teach that day who's boss!
Today, I woke up, and I knew I had to change things. Today was going to be a great day if I had any say about it. I woke up early, got dressed, and charged out into the dark pre-sunrise morning. I greeted some of the other kids in camp, and probably confused them when I said I was going to make the day mine, and started shaking my fist at the sky.
Yoga was the first order of the day, but they moved it and I'd overslept it! AUGH Adversity! I unsheathed an imaginary ray gun.. No matter.. I shall still have this day. It's pathetic attempts to wriggle free of my grasp will be for not! You hear me, day?
Instead, the first activity coming up was horse riding. I've never ridden a horse, but I've seen a lot of movies. While we were waiting for the horses, I met Mari's friend Johnny. We chatted for a while about the dark the number of babies at camp, world domination, etc.
Then it was time to meet the horses. We went and petted the horse for a while, and there was this one horse that was dark brown with spots, and everyone seemed to want to pet the white horses. I looked at this dark horse, and decided I would pet this horse. And then when it was time to ride horses, I didn't even wait to find out if someone wanted to ride it, I just climbed up on before anyone even put a saddle on him. I was GOING to ride this dark horse, even if it was 4 times my size.
So they put a saddle on it, and let me right back on. They even let me 'DRIVE" or whatever you call it when you hold the reigns and make the horse go. They even put a little kid on with me.. like I had ANY IDEA what I was doing.
And I drove the horse. And someone even said I did it really well. I dunno tho, but we all lived, so that's good, I even was able to 'park' the horse back where he belonged. though he probably knew the way. He seemed a pretty smart horse.
After that.. breakfast. And still no eggs, still no seats for big kids. Fine, have it your way day, no eggs, I'll have GRILLED CHEESE.. and you can just deal with the fact that I ate lunch food for breakfast! Take that, day! I did however make a stand and kind of demand that there be one place to sit without a booster seat on it.
Then I decided to go back to the cabin and take a shower. No one made me, I just did it. I went to the bathroom, took a shower, got dressed, and brushed my teeth. Then I looked over my letter from yesterday, and decided I needed to apoloogize for being cranky and irritable when I talked to the counselor who made me remove the tape. Then we had a snowman contest.
When I got there, I met Mari's brother, who I kinda feel like I have known for ages. We chatted for a while, then the contest started. This was a thing where each cabin had to find the parts for their snowman hidden in cabin colored boxes. I looked and I looked, but I couldn't find any, but I did get excited because I found a pink one and thought it was purple. Since Pygar was on a team all alone (no one else from the boys cabin wanted to do it) I whispered to him when I found one of his cabin's boxes while looking for ours. Thankfully, the other little girls in Cabin 1 figured out the clues and were able to find the items we needed, and we actually managed to win the contest. (no thanks to me).
After the snowman thing was lunch, even though I had to walk a long way there and back, I did get a really REALLY good sandwich with lotsa lettuce and tomatoes and turkey and salami on it, and some potato salad, the yellow kind. and some orange soda.. and even a twinkie.
After lunch.. lemme see. Oh yah.. an this is prolly the most important part of the day. Mari had her camera. Mari ALWAYS takes her camera wherever she goes, and she takes really great pictures, the kind you put in frames and stuff. She wanted to take a picture with me and the other big girls she knew at camp. I was SO excited to be in one of her pictures. I've seen her pictures all the time, cause she puts them on her webpage.. She always goes to fancy places, like islands and on airplanes and things, and her pictures always look so amazing. Anyways, like I said, she wanted ME to be in one of her pictures. I was so excited, that I was just happy to sit there for, an hour I guess, and she said "look that way" and I'd look that way, and smile, and stand still..
She's just like Aunt Raewi. A million years for one picture.
But to be in onna Mari's pics.. I woulda stood there for a million years if she wanted. The other girls started getting a lil bored, and eventually the lady who runs the camp, Miss Jill again, came over to see why we were all standing in a row in the forest. But Mari's picture came out fantastic, as they always do.
Then she surprised me with one more picture.
I've known her for years, and this is the first time we've ever really gotten to play or hang out, or even be in a picture together aside from "just happening to be in the same place" in the background or something.
Whatever happened after that, honestly.. didn't matter.
There was dinner with some lunchable things brought by a lady who runs a food business. They were pretty neat, but we spent SO MUCH TIME getting all the babies to sit down, that by the time I got my food, it was pretty much time to go to our cabins and get ready for "cabin wars". I took my leftovers with me. =P
Cabin wars is this nightly thing where all the cabins are teams playing against each other. Last night, we played some weird sort of football game with giant footballs, tonight we played a weird puzzle guessing game, our cabin lost pretty badly, guessing only one store logo correctly. Still, we did better than we did at that weird crazy football kinda game last night where we didn't manage to even get one ball into the goal. Of course, there's a lot of little kids in my cabin.
I don't really care about the silly cabin wars.. cuz after Mari's pictures.. we could have gotten no points, and I wouldn't have cared. I wouldn't have cared if I even got to play.
Because the day was already mine.
After posting my blog and sending my letter to Mommy, I couldn't sleep. She sent me back a email, and I read it about 7 times, just lying in bed.
She didn't scold me.. not at all. And while she said she did kinda wanna come down and kick the one counselor's butt for telling me wrong things and getting me in trouble, she was just saying she wanted to, not that she was gonna.
Her email letter made me cry again. And I looked over my letter to her too. Then I looked up an saw my Dr. Steel poster. I could hear him telling me I wasn't being a good soldier, if I was letting the bad things that happen, win. I looked over my letter sum more, and it started looking like a list of things I didn't do right.
All these things I complained about and worried about, were things I didn't take control of.
I got outside of the cabin, and even though it was dark, It wasn't lights out yet, so I walked over to the cabin assignments list, and found where Mari was. I went over to her cabin and asked to talk to her in private.
I told her I felt awkward, and then even though I started crying again I found the strength to ask her if she considered me her friend. And when she said, "of course silly" it was like someone took a truck off my chest. no, it was like Mari took a truck off my chest. She said she may be popular, but a lot of people feel uncomfortable playing with her cuz everyone knows her like she's a rock star. An' I just know her as my friend I talk to all the time on the instant messenger. So I told her I'd pester her then, and prolly follow her around a lot. We hugged a lot, and then of course.. it was lights out and I had to go back to my cabin.
I went back to my cabin, and I knew I needed to fix some things when I woke up, like Dr. Steel might say:
Sieze the day by the neck and bend it to your will.. with a very large hammer if necessary. You teach that day who's boss!
Dr. Steel, for the uninitiated, is, or perhaps more accurately, was a fictional, web-video and musical "Character", styled after the archetypical 'bumbling mad scientist bent on world domination'. His comedic phrasing is part of his appeal, and Anwenn keeps a poster of Dr. Steel, commanding her to DREAM, on the wall of her bunk at camp.
Today, I woke up, and I knew I had to change things. Today was going to be a great day if I had any say about it. I woke up early, got dressed, and charged out into the dark pre-sunrise morning. I greeted some of the other kids in camp, and probably confused them when I said I was going to make the day mine, and started shaking my fist at the sky.
Yoga was the first order of the day, but they moved it and I'd overslept it! AUGH Adversity! I unsheathed an imaginary ray gun.. No matter.. I shall still have this day. It's pathetic attempts to wriggle free of my grasp will be for not! You hear me, day?
Instead, the first activity coming up was horse riding. I've never ridden a horse, but I've seen a lot of movies. While we were waiting for the horses, I met Mari's friend Johnny. We chatted for a while about the dark the number of babies at camp, world domination, etc.
Then it was time to meet the horses. We went and petted the horse for a while, and there was this one horse that was dark brown with spots, and everyone seemed to want to pet the white horses. I looked at this dark horse, and decided I would pet this horse. And then when it was time to ride horses, I didn't even wait to find out if someone wanted to ride it, I just climbed up on before anyone even put a saddle on him. I was GOING to ride this dark horse, even if it was 4 times my size.
So they put a saddle on it, and let me right back on. They even let me 'DRIVE" or whatever you call it when you hold the reigns and make the horse go. They even put a little kid on with me.. like I had ANY IDEA what I was doing.
And I drove the horse. And someone even said I did it really well. I dunno tho, but we all lived, so that's good, I even was able to 'park' the horse back where he belonged. though he probably knew the way. He seemed a pretty smart horse.
After that.. breakfast. And still no eggs, still no seats for big kids. Fine, have it your way day, no eggs, I'll have GRILLED CHEESE.. and you can just deal with the fact that I ate lunch food for breakfast! Take that, day! I did however make a stand and kind of demand that there be one place to sit without a booster seat on it.
Then I decided to go back to the cabin and take a shower. No one made me, I just did it. I went to the bathroom, took a shower, got dressed, and brushed my teeth. Then I looked over my letter from yesterday, and decided I needed to apoloogize for being cranky and irritable when I talked to the counselor who made me remove the tape. Then we had a snowman contest.
When I got there, I met Mari's brother, who I kinda feel like I have known for ages. We chatted for a while, then the contest started. This was a thing where each cabin had to find the parts for their snowman hidden in cabin colored boxes. I looked and I looked, but I couldn't find any, but I did get excited because I found a pink one and thought it was purple. Since Pygar was on a team all alone (no one else from the boys cabin wanted to do it) I whispered to him when I found one of his cabin's boxes while looking for ours. Thankfully, the other little girls in Cabin 1 figured out the clues and were able to find the items we needed, and we actually managed to win the contest. (no thanks to me).
After the snowman thing was lunch, even though I had to walk a long way there and back, I did get a really REALLY good sandwich with lotsa lettuce and tomatoes and turkey and salami on it, and some potato salad, the yellow kind. and some orange soda.. and even a twinkie.
After lunch.. lemme see. Oh yah.. an this is prolly the most important part of the day. Mari had her camera. Mari ALWAYS takes her camera wherever she goes, and she takes really great pictures, the kind you put in frames and stuff. She wanted to take a picture with me and the other big girls she knew at camp. I was SO excited to be in one of her pictures. I've seen her pictures all the time, cause she puts them on her webpage.. She always goes to fancy places, like islands and on airplanes and things, and her pictures always look so amazing. Anyways, like I said, she wanted ME to be in one of her pictures. I was so excited, that I was just happy to sit there for, an hour I guess, and she said "look that way" and I'd look that way, and smile, and stand still..
She's just like Aunt Raewi. A million years for one picture.
But to be in onna Mari's pics.. I woulda stood there for a million years if she wanted. The other girls started getting a lil bored, and eventually the lady who runs the camp, Miss Jill again, came over to see why we were all standing in a row in the forest. But Mari's picture came out fantastic, as they always do.
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"The Toddleedon'ts"
Left to right, Juniper Charlotte Baily (arwyn), Joy Durga
Bennett-Republic (durga.dryke), Naraelina Faye Kovacs-Darling
(naraelina.ordinary), Marianne McCann (marianne.mccanne), Me: Anwenn
Lee (anwenn), and camp owner, Miss Jill Caldera (jill.caldera)
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Then she surprised me with one more picture.
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"Mari an' Me"
Marianne McCann and Anwenn Lee. A picture that took far FAR too many
years to develop.
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I've known her for years, and this is the first time we've ever really gotten to play or hang out, or even be in a picture together aside from "just happening to be in the same place" in the background or something.
Whatever happened after that, honestly.. didn't matter.
There was dinner with some lunchable things brought by a lady who runs a food business. They were pretty neat, but we spent SO MUCH TIME getting all the babies to sit down, that by the time I got my food, it was pretty much time to go to our cabins and get ready for "cabin wars". I took my leftovers with me. =P
Cabin wars is this nightly thing where all the cabins are teams playing against each other. Last night, we played some weird sort of football game with giant footballs, tonight we played a weird puzzle guessing game, our cabin lost pretty badly, guessing only one store logo correctly. Still, we did better than we did at that weird crazy football kinda game last night where we didn't manage to even get one ball into the goal. Of course, there's a lot of little kids in my cabin.
I don't really care about the silly cabin wars.. cuz after Mari's pictures.. we could have gotten no points, and I wouldn't have cared. I wouldn't have cared if I even got to play.
Because the day was already mine.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Camp Day 2 - "Bad hair day"
Dear Diary,
Today was the worst day I can remember having in a long time. This place is so scary. My whole cabin is babies.. 2, 3, 4 year olds.. I think the oldest aside from me is 5 or maybe 6. They screamed and cried all the way on the trip here, and now they're giggling and screaming and making crazy noises constantly.. and I suppose it's cute to them, but I feel like I'm stuck back in kindergarten.
That wasn't the worst part. A lot of stuff from yesterday is really sticking with me, and I miss Mommy a lot more than I said before. It didn't hurt that she wasn't there, but it did hurt that I couldn't see her to say goodbye. It hurt when we got to the train station, and ALL the little babies had their Mommies and Daddies there to see them onto the train.
I should mention also that since I went to bed crazy early yesterday (fell asleep really) I woke up super early in the morning with not much to do for like six hours. I did get to go on a early morning tour of the place, and I got to do yoga before breakfast with a nice lady named Miss Honey.. and she has a very relaxing voice.
The rest of the day wasn't awesome. I have to be truthful.
I was having a REAL hard time not being shy.. and I kept getting caught by surprise by things I didn't actually know before camp started... stuff they assumed I'd know, or have with me. Made me feel really frustrated and alone. And there's almost no big kids my size.. and all the other kids.. an' I mean all of them big and small, seem to know whole lots of people here. And I only know one, and I haven't seen her yet. I'm scared to talk to the other big kids, cuz I worry they won't like me... some are older then me. A lot of them are boys too.
Also.. that counselor who told me I could cover my Daddy's last name with tape? He was wrong! and I got yelled at by a different counselor for it. I told them that they counselor guy SAID I could do it.. but that wasn't good enough I guess. Eventually the lady who runs the camp, Miss Jill, came over to talk to me. Turns out that counselor was also wrong about them not being able to take Daddy's last name off my bunk at least. Miss Jill did that for me.
Like I said tho, there's only a small number of other big kids my age around here, and the only one I know is Mari. Like I said, I haven't seen her yet, and ta be honest.. I'm rilly nervous. Cuz like, To me she's always been a good friend and we're close, and we talk about everything online in the IMs.. but we've only really ever met a couple of times. I dunno if she really even considers me as much a friend as I consider her. And that scares me.
Mari has lots of friends, and she's been to this camp a lot of times.. so I don't wanna crowd her style either.. I don't really have any friends in Somerseley, so I'm actually really afraid she'll think I'm obnoxious or something. I dunno what I'm gonna do when I see her finally.
I wrote a letter to Mommy, telling her about all of this, and I shouldn't have. Everyone here keeps asking if I want to go home, and I do.. I mean I miss Mommy, and today has been hard, and I cried like 8 times.. but when this is over, I don't WANT to HAVE QUIT and HAVE GONE home. I worry that Mommy will get mad at the camp and stomp all over and yell and kick their butts, or worse that she'll get mad at me for being such a chicken and a scaredy cat and a crybaby. Not mad.. no I don't think Mommy would be mad at me for that, but disappointed. I wanna try and do this, and I know Momma wants me to try hard and do this. But I'm afraid, an it hurts.
I rilly need a hug, and everyone keeps staring at me for crying and asking what's wrong. They all want me to splain it again and again, and all I want is someone to hold me while I cry.
Today was the worst day I can remember having in a long time. This place is so scary. My whole cabin is babies.. 2, 3, 4 year olds.. I think the oldest aside from me is 5 or maybe 6. They screamed and cried all the way on the trip here, and now they're giggling and screaming and making crazy noises constantly.. and I suppose it's cute to them, but I feel like I'm stuck back in kindergarten.
That wasn't the worst part. A lot of stuff from yesterday is really sticking with me, and I miss Mommy a lot more than I said before. It didn't hurt that she wasn't there, but it did hurt that I couldn't see her to say goodbye. It hurt when we got to the train station, and ALL the little babies had their Mommies and Daddies there to see them onto the train.
I should mention also that since I went to bed crazy early yesterday (fell asleep really) I woke up super early in the morning with not much to do for like six hours. I did get to go on a early morning tour of the place, and I got to do yoga before breakfast with a nice lady named Miss Honey.. and she has a very relaxing voice.
The rest of the day wasn't awesome. I have to be truthful.
I was having a REAL hard time not being shy.. and I kept getting caught by surprise by things I didn't actually know before camp started... stuff they assumed I'd know, or have with me. Made me feel really frustrated and alone. And there's almost no big kids my size.. and all the other kids.. an' I mean all of them big and small, seem to know whole lots of people here. And I only know one, and I haven't seen her yet. I'm scared to talk to the other big kids, cuz I worry they won't like me... some are older then me. A lot of them are boys too.
Also.. that counselor who told me I could cover my Daddy's last name with tape? He was wrong! and I got yelled at by a different counselor for it. I told them that they counselor guy SAID I could do it.. but that wasn't good enough I guess. Eventually the lady who runs the camp, Miss Jill, came over to talk to me. Turns out that counselor was also wrong about them not being able to take Daddy's last name off my bunk at least. Miss Jill did that for me.
Like I said tho, there's only a small number of other big kids my age around here, and the only one I know is Mari. Like I said, I haven't seen her yet, and ta be honest.. I'm rilly nervous. Cuz like, To me she's always been a good friend and we're close, and we talk about everything online in the IMs.. but we've only really ever met a couple of times. I dunno if she really even considers me as much a friend as I consider her. And that scares me.
Mari has lots of friends, and she's been to this camp a lot of times.. so I don't wanna crowd her style either.. I don't really have any friends in Somerseley, so I'm actually really afraid she'll think I'm obnoxious or something. I dunno what I'm gonna do when I see her finally.
I wrote a letter to Mommy, telling her about all of this, and I shouldn't have. Everyone here keeps asking if I want to go home, and I do.. I mean I miss Mommy, and today has been hard, and I cried like 8 times.. but when this is over, I don't WANT to HAVE QUIT and HAVE GONE home. I worry that Mommy will get mad at the camp and stomp all over and yell and kick their butts, or worse that she'll get mad at me for being such a chicken and a scaredy cat and a crybaby. Not mad.. no I don't think Mommy would be mad at me for that, but disappointed. I wanna try and do this, and I know Momma wants me to try hard and do this. But I'm afraid, an it hurts.
I rilly need a hug, and everyone keeps staring at me for crying and asking what's wrong. They all want me to splain it again and again, and all I want is someone to hold me while I cry.
While this is a fictionalized account of the day's events, some of these situations did take place, in more or less the exact level of anxiety and depression expressed. If anyone has SOMEHOW mistaken this for a factual account of 'what camp is like in SL' or an accurate assessment of my current emotional state, please see the next post before making any judgements
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Camp Day 1 - "Getting there is half the fun"
Dear Diary,
Things did not go quite according to plan. Lemme 'splain.
I didn't sleep at all. We can just start right there. The bus was supposed to pick us up way early in the morning, and I was too excited, and worried about oversleeping and missing camp altogether! I decided that I'd just stay up all night and go in the morning, then maybe fall asleep on the way there, or after we got to camp.
The time came, that was on the note we got, and Mommy still wasn't home. Aunt Kelly was there tho to watch us kids, and she reminded me that sometimes things happen in ways we don't want, and that Mommy loved me with all her heart, and would move mountains if she could, to be here to see me off. Aunt Kelly suggested I write a note to tell Mommy I loved her, and I did. And then the hours passed, and the bus didn't come.
Then the storm came, and we understood why Mommy wasn't home yet. The snow had gotten really deep, and she didn't want to drive in it, plus the phones were out. This also explained why the bus was.. 3 and a half hours late picking me up. Boy was I tired at this point!
Since Mommy wasn't going to be with me, and Aunt Kelly had to stay with with the babies, I went on the bus alone, which was okay. Aunt Kelly gave me the lunch Mommy had packed for me, and I ate the twinkie on the bus.
The bus took us to a train station, and we all got to ride a real steam train to camp. Each cabin group of campers got their own car on the train, and that's when I realized almost all the other girls in my cabin were little kids.. really little. The oldest aside from me was maybe 6, and I'm 8.
Anyways.. the train ride was exciting, ad there was an avalanche while we were in a tunnel, and everything went dark and it was very scary. Scarier prolly cause all the little kids were screaming like they were dying. I think it might have been like a fake avalanche, just to scare us, cuz when the lights came on and everyone stopped screaming, we were stopped and at the station. More like a amusement park ride than a real avalanche. It was cool tho... except the screaming.
so much screaming.
After that tho, we walked into a tunnel that went up into the snow.. looks like the blizzard that hit Somersley hit here too. It's in the mountains, and there's snow everywhere. They walked us right up to our cabin.. the purple one, cabin one. And then I saw my bunk.
I was a lil frustrated.. cuz they had my Daddy's last name for me, instead of Mommy's. I asked the counselor there if they could change that, and he said they couldn't.. but I could put tape up to cover it if I wanted. I did that, and then I put up my strings of lights and my poster and my Dr Steel flag, and then.. I put up my picture of Mommy an' me.. and then I actually just fell asleep right there, right in the middle of turning on my laptop!
Things did not go quite according to plan. Lemme 'splain.
I didn't sleep at all. We can just start right there. The bus was supposed to pick us up way early in the morning, and I was too excited, and worried about oversleeping and missing camp altogether! I decided that I'd just stay up all night and go in the morning, then maybe fall asleep on the way there, or after we got to camp.
The time came, that was on the note we got, and Mommy still wasn't home. Aunt Kelly was there tho to watch us kids, and she reminded me that sometimes things happen in ways we don't want, and that Mommy loved me with all her heart, and would move mountains if she could, to be here to see me off. Aunt Kelly suggested I write a note to tell Mommy I loved her, and I did. And then the hours passed, and the bus didn't come.
Then the storm came, and we understood why Mommy wasn't home yet. The snow had gotten really deep, and she didn't want to drive in it, plus the phones were out. This also explained why the bus was.. 3 and a half hours late picking me up. Boy was I tired at this point!
Since Mommy wasn't going to be with me, and Aunt Kelly had to stay with with the babies, I went on the bus alone, which was okay. Aunt Kelly gave me the lunch Mommy had packed for me, and I ate the twinkie on the bus.
The bus took us to a train station, and we all got to ride a real steam train to camp. Each cabin group of campers got their own car on the train, and that's when I realized almost all the other girls in my cabin were little kids.. really little. The oldest aside from me was maybe 6, and I'm 8.
Anyways.. the train ride was exciting, ad there was an avalanche while we were in a tunnel, and everything went dark and it was very scary. Scarier prolly cause all the little kids were screaming like they were dying. I think it might have been like a fake avalanche, just to scare us, cuz when the lights came on and everyone stopped screaming, we were stopped and at the station. More like a amusement park ride than a real avalanche. It was cool tho... except the screaming.
so much screaming.
After that tho, we walked into a tunnel that went up into the snow.. looks like the blizzard that hit Somersley hit here too. It's in the mountains, and there's snow everywhere. They walked us right up to our cabin.. the purple one, cabin one. And then I saw my bunk.
I was a lil frustrated.. cuz they had my Daddy's last name for me, instead of Mommy's. I asked the counselor there if they could change that, and he said they couldn't.. but I could put tape up to cover it if I wanted. I did that, and then I put up my strings of lights and my poster and my Dr Steel flag, and then.. I put up my picture of Mommy an' me.. and then I actually just fell asleep right there, right in the middle of turning on my laptop!
Friday, February 1, 2013
Camp Day 0 - "Waiting for camp"
Dear Diary,
It's been a crazy week. Mommy, Aunt Kelly, and I have been going crazy trying to think of anything I might need. Aunt Kelly has been helping me pick the things I'm taking with me to decorate my bunk space... apparently that's like a big deal at camp. Mari had a great idea that I should limit it to stuff I could fit in a small suitcase, so I'm not taking more decorations than, well.. clothes!
It's been a really hard week too with lots of frustrating feelings. I don't want to get into too much detail on all the little things that got to me this week, cause it was basically.. everything. Worrying about being too tall, worrying about not fitting in, worrying about just about everything really.
But somehow, it all got done. My bunk decorations all packed up, my laptop charged and packed away (WITH the charger... I remembered!). Outfits planned, clothes packed up, Swimsuit, skis, ice skates.. all packed up and ready to go.
And it all comes down to the last day, the last night.. and I can't sleep. So afraid I'll oversleep.
I dunno how I'm gonna survive without Mommy for a whole week. I'm gonna take a picture of Mommy and me with me to camp, to have in my bunk, but I'm still scared I'll miss her too much. Not counting being babysat by Aunt Kelly, this is pretty much the first time I've been away from Mommy for more than school, since I came back home to live with her in Somersley. Pretty much in all of Tatie's life.
Still, I'll have my laptop. And if they let us have internet there, we can send messages.
At least Mr. Pickles has Mommy here to take care of him, so I won't worry about him. But I'll miss him too.
It's been a crazy week. Mommy, Aunt Kelly, and I have been going crazy trying to think of anything I might need. Aunt Kelly has been helping me pick the things I'm taking with me to decorate my bunk space... apparently that's like a big deal at camp. Mari had a great idea that I should limit it to stuff I could fit in a small suitcase, so I'm not taking more decorations than, well.. clothes!
It's been a really hard week too with lots of frustrating feelings. I don't want to get into too much detail on all the little things that got to me this week, cause it was basically.. everything. Worrying about being too tall, worrying about not fitting in, worrying about just about everything really.
But somehow, it all got done. My bunk decorations all packed up, my laptop charged and packed away (WITH the charger... I remembered!). Outfits planned, clothes packed up, Swimsuit, skis, ice skates.. all packed up and ready to go.
And it all comes down to the last day, the last night.. and I can't sleep. So afraid I'll oversleep.
I dunno how I'm gonna survive without Mommy for a whole week. I'm gonna take a picture of Mommy and me with me to camp, to have in my bunk, but I'm still scared I'll miss her too much. Not counting being babysat by Aunt Kelly, this is pretty much the first time I've been away from Mommy for more than school, since I came back home to live with her in Somersley. Pretty much in all of Tatie's life.
Still, I'll have my laptop. And if they let us have internet there, we can send messages.
At least Mr. Pickles has Mommy here to take care of him, so I won't worry about him. But I'll miss him too.
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