"A Funny Sort of Peace"

Another OOC post..

Dear Diary,

Went to the store yesterday.. got some fish-sticks and mac&cheese.. my go-to comfort food during camp. It's the food of the best nights of my childhood, when I'd stay and a friend's house. That was dinner.

And then I sat on SL, pondering how to begin this photography.. and then my mind wanted to work on other things. I spent over an hour downloading new windlight settings, and quickly falling into the trap of "I don't really want to do this thing, so I'm going to focus endlessly on the periphery, so I never have to actually do it".

A rough night's sleep, and a late morning, some clothes and a sandwich.. and I soon found myself logging in to MineCraft. Clearly the most crucial of things. I spent hours using my XP grinder, enchanting books in search of the ultimate enchantment to apply to a pickaxe.

Eventually I ran out of books, and my friend who was playing with me ran out of steam. And so, reluctantly, I logged in to SL.

And pulled out my trampoline, and bounced on it.

Bounce bounce.

I don't *WANT* to take these sad pictures. It's obvious that I just don't actually want to. I'm sure I'll take a FEW.. mostly just me tucking in the prim babies. Maybe a few documenting the layout of my bedroom.. but that's it.

I can't pose for pictures with Mommy if she's not here.. and she's the only one I really want some pictures with. I already have lots of those tho...

And honestly, the end of the house.. if this does turn out to *BE* the end of it... doesn't *HAVE* to be the end of our family. All it takes is her having the time, ability, and energy to log in, and the desire for wanting to keep the family.

The house is "just prims" and it can be rezzed again someplace else.

I've worried enough, I think. At this point, the possibility of losing the house seems more of a mildly sad likelihood, and as the final hours tick down, it will drift into an, at worst, melancholy loss.

I am more concerned at Mommy's absence, and her silence. Worried that she herself might be ill, or unable to access the internet.. or worse. So many tough things were going on for her, in her immediate family in RL. I worry that things got worse.

Compared to that, this house is nothing. Just a virtual backdrop for a roleplay that hasn't convened regularly in nearly 2 months. Deleting it seems only natural, especially given the high cost to maintain it.

Bounce bounce.

It may seem cavalier.. it's hardly been that tho. I haven't posted the days and days of worried angst.

What worries me now isn't so much losing the house... it's what comes next. Is she coming back? Should I just start moving on? Should I re-invent myself someplace inbetween for the timebeing? It's hard making these sorts of decisions without her input.

Ironically.. she's the person I'd turn to for advice in this situation.