Today was the worst day I can remember having in a long time. This place is so scary. My whole cabin is babies.. 2, 3, 4 year olds.. I think the oldest aside from me is 5 or maybe 6. They screamed and cried all the way on the trip here, and now they're giggling and screaming and making crazy noises constantly.. and I suppose it's cute to them, but I feel like I'm stuck back in kindergarten.
That wasn't the worst part. A lot of stuff from yesterday is really sticking with me, and I miss Mommy a lot more than I said before. It didn't hurt that she wasn't there, but it did hurt that I couldn't see her to say goodbye. It hurt when we got to the train station, and ALL the little babies had their Mommies and Daddies there to see them onto the train.
I should mention also that since I went to bed crazy early yesterday (fell asleep really) I woke up super early in the morning with not much to do for like six hours. I did get to go on a early morning tour of the place, and I got to do yoga before breakfast with a nice lady named Miss Honey.. and she has a very relaxing voice.
The rest of the day wasn't awesome. I have to be truthful.
I was having a REAL hard time not being shy.. and I kept getting caught by surprise by things I didn't actually know before camp started... stuff they assumed I'd know, or have with me. Made me feel really frustrated and alone. And there's almost no big kids my size.. and all the other kids.. an' I mean all of them big and small, seem to know whole lots of people here. And I only know one, and I haven't seen her yet. I'm scared to talk to the other big kids, cuz I worry they won't like me... some are older then me. A lot of them are boys too.
Also.. that counselor who told me I could cover my Daddy's last name with tape? He was wrong! and I got yelled at by a different counselor for it. I told them that they counselor guy SAID I could do it.. but that wasn't good enough I guess. Eventually the lady who runs the camp, Miss Jill, came over to talk to me. Turns out that counselor was also wrong about them not being able to take Daddy's last name off my bunk at least. Miss Jill did that for me.
Like I said tho, there's only a small number of other big kids my age around here, and the only one I know is Mari. Like I said, I haven't seen her yet, and ta be honest.. I'm rilly nervous. Cuz like, To me she's always been a good friend and we're close, and we talk about everything online in the IMs.. but we've only really ever met a couple of times. I dunno if she really even considers me as much a friend as I consider her. And that scares me.
Mari has lots of friends, and she's been to this camp a lot of times.. so I don't wanna crowd her style either.. I don't really have any friends in Somerseley, so I'm actually really afraid she'll think I'm obnoxious or something. I dunno what I'm gonna do when I see her finally.
I wrote a letter to Mommy, telling her about all of this, and I shouldn't have. Everyone here keeps asking if I want to go home, and I do.. I mean I miss Mommy, and today has been hard, and I cried like 8 times.. but when this is over, I don't WANT to HAVE QUIT and HAVE GONE home. I worry that Mommy will get mad at the camp and stomp all over and yell and kick their butts, or worse that she'll get mad at me for being such a chicken and a scaredy cat and a crybaby. Not mad.. no I don't think Mommy would be mad at me for that, but disappointed. I wanna try and do this, and I know Momma wants me to try hard and do this. But I'm afraid, an it hurts.
I rilly need a hug, and everyone keeps staring at me for crying and asking what's wrong. They all want me to splain it again and again, and all I want is someone to hold me while I cry.
While this is a fictionalized account of the day's events, some of these situations did take place, in more or less the exact level of anxiety and depression expressed. If anyone has SOMEHOW mistaken this for a factual account of 'what camp is like in SL' or an accurate assessment of my current emotional state, please see the next post before making any judgements
No comments:
Post a Comment